Fall.

Imagine this:

You're walking down the street wearing a knit hat, holding a cup of hot coffee, wearing your favorite pair of boots, listening to Fleet Foxes, your nose a little red from the slight crisp breeze, you look up and see half naked trees. You see beautiful red, yellow, green and orange leaves falling from the sky floating down to the ground landing on bricks, the side walk, the street. Life is bliss. You look around hoping to make eye contact with someone else enjoying the same moment. But then you realize that everyone else is stuck. They are fixated on getting to class, the conversations they are in and the puddle they stepped in this morning. The busyness of life makes them not able to appreciate the blissful moment around them.

Recently, God has been making me so thankful for the small things. He has just been showing me the everyday beauties of Him. "...Strength and beauty are in His sanctuary." psalm 96:6. In my life I can so easily become overwhelmed with all the responsibilities I have. These things aren't necessarily bad things, they are like work, class, homework, friendships and sleep. However, I was letting these things run my life. I was letting my schedule be completely built around these responsibilities, I was so engrossed in them I wasn't able to even see the beauty of fall.

As I was praying about how to get out of this rut, how God could change my heart, He just very simply whispered to me, "be thankful". Oh goodness. How that changes things. I would have never guessed! It completely changed my thought process. Before I complained about having to be at work at 5:30 am. But God made me thankful for the fact that I first off have a job, that I am able to spend my morning time with Him. Even though I am working, its so peaceful. The chaos hasn't had a chance to ruin His beauty. He even blessed me with wonderful opportunities to speak about His love with some members (i work at an athletic club) who otherwise wouldn't have known I loved Jesus or why I am so joyful.

"Let us come before His presence with thanksgiving; Let us shout joyfully to Him with psalms." psalm 95:2

That is just one of the things I am thankful for today. I want to live a life of thankfulness. I want to look at everything God gives me as a gift. Not something that He owes me. God doesn't owe me anything. 

Today I am thankful for:

Pajamas.

Alone time.

Charis.

My parents who love Jesus.

Friends who encourage me towards Him.

Money.

Freedom.

Worship.

Joy.

What are you thankful today? 


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OR7VOKQ0xJY 

What is Love? baby don't hurt me, Don't hurt me, no more.

THE LIE: 

I am unlovable.

THE TRUTH: 

"For God so LOVED the world He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believes in Him shall not perish but have ever lasting life."

-John 3:16

Okay, so God loves the world. That says nothing about me....

 "Before I formed you in the womb I knew you; Before you were born I sanctified you; I ordained you a prophet of the nations." 

-Jeremiah 1:5

Alright, so God knows me. And?

"He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was LOVE." 

- Song of Solomon 2:4 

Hmm, a banner is a declaration. He DECLARED his love over me. He branded me with it. Alright, but what IS love?

"Love suffers long and is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails."

- 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8a

Okay, love never fails? But how long is never?

"Set me as a seal upon your heart, as a seal upon your arm; for LOVE is as strong as DEATH, jealously demanding as the grave, its flames are flames of fire, A most vehement flame. Many waters cannot quench LOVE. Nor can the floods drown it. If a man wold give for LOVE all the wealth of his house, it would be utterly despised."

- Song of Solomon 8:6-7

Recap: God came because He LOVES the whole world. But He also formed me and knows me specifically. God declared His Love over me. And Love never fails, because love conquers death and is unquenchable.

Alright, so God loves me, but what the commandment here?

"As the Father Loved Me, I also have loved you; abide in my love."

- John 15: 9 

So that's what God calls us to? To abide in His Love?

Whoa....wait, whats abide mean?

a·bide

   /əˈbaɪd/ Show Spelled verb (used without object)

1.

to remain; continue; stay: Abide with me.

2.

to have one's abode; dwell; reside: to abide in a small Scottish village.

3.

to continue in a particular condition, attitude, relationship, etc.; last.

I will abide in the LOVE of Christ. I will build my life on His LOVE. And I will believe the truth in His word.

...Oh girl....

In order to get a mini vaca before I start working forever hours a week, I headed down to Medford yesterday (Tuesday June 7th) to visit my dear friend Ruby. That drive was SO LONG. But so good. I remembered what it was like to be alone. And realized how much I love it! I had forgotten the freedom to just be alone and spend time with Jesus.

Today was wonderful, Ruby was working so I spent numerous hours alone since I don't know anyone else in Medford! But God is SO GOOD!! Honestly. I was able to go thrift shopping and met lots of people, some really nice, others a little odd. None the less, I felt the love of God everywhere I went. I so enjoyed it. I was just able to sit in the park and read my bible and bask in the glory of the Lord. It has been a long time since my time with Jesus hasn't been limited. I am in constant contact with Him. But just being able to give Him hours of my time is so freeing. 

May 31st: The dawn of a new day.

May 31, 2009.

This was a day for me to remember. 

On this day, God turned me away from the worldly dirty and unworthy person I had made myself. He filled me with His spirit and empowered me to be a woman of God. He showed me that without Him I am nothing. I am just an empty piece of nothing. God finally broke me. And at this point, I was ready to be broken. I hated myself. I hated who i had let myself become. I hated the compromises that I had made. But in Christ. I am new. I am worthy. I am loved.

"I am so unworthy, but still you love me. Forever my heart will sing of how great you are"

-Phil Wickham, Cannons

May 31 2011.

Was also a day to remember.

God has brought me so far since 2009. He has taught me of His love. Showed me what it really meant to have an interpersonal relationship with Him. God has been teaching me how to treat His like my father, how to treat Him like my lover and how to treat Him like my master. These have been hard lessons. But so satisfying. On December 29, 2010 Christ allowed me to get into a relationship with an amazing man of God. However, that relationship was never mine. It was God's. God was the center and completely in charge the entire time. On May 31, 2011 God gave this man the strength to end the relationship. God wanted to romance me. God is a jealous God and wanted all of me. Although I don't understand His plan, and honestly don't want too. I know that May 31 is once again a monumental day. It was a hard day. But God is good and I know I am safe in His hands.

Obedience

Obedience is a funny thing. Not really something you mind until God is telling you something to be obedient in that doesn't fit with your desires. Then it becomes quite the struggle. Sometimes, the obedience isn't for you, but it affects you completely. Sometimes, your obedience comes in helping others be obedient. I think that is the worst kind of obedience.

"Obey those who rule over you, and be submissive, for they watch out for your souls, as those who must give account. Let them do so with joy and and not grief, for that would be unprofitable for you." 

Hebrews 13:17

Theater. Theatre.

I LOVE theater.

I have all my life. Its been a major part of who I am since I was young. And right there came my problem. Theater became who i was, what I identified myself with instead of identifying myself with Jesus Christ. I was in 4 plays a year for a really long time! And then God told me to take a break after my sophomore year of high school. And so I did.

Now, TWO YEARS later, He has given me permission to audition for a play. Last week, I auditioned for Bard in the Quad with Oregon State University. The play this year is As You Like It, by William Shakespeare.

I was so nervous.

But, it ended up being great! I auditioned on Thursday and had the time of my life! Honestly, I didn't realize how much I missed it! Do you ever just really really want coffee? however, you know you need to drink water, and don't want to spend the time and the money on it so you just keep putting it off and off and not getting coffee. However, you keep thinking about it. You smell it and just really want it. And then when you finally give in and drink coffee, its SO satisfying. That is how theater is for me. Its my coffee. It energizes me, it excites me, and it filled that desire I had.
Now I don't know if I got in yet, and honestly its not that big of a deal if I do! (I might be a little sad, but I would understand). However, it was just so fun that God gave me permission to be in a show again! That He trusts me to hold His Glory while fulfilling my passions.
I find out sometime this week if I was cast. And I keep checking the website and my email to see.

I really want to know.

...Visions on Canvas...

Sunday Night I was at the Westfalls house for YAF (young adults fellowship), and we were just worshiping and basking in the love of the Lord. All those who were attending had just returned from Shasta the previous weekend where God did a mighty work and showed His power. The weekend brought forth confession and healing in the name of the Lord! And we have all just been praising Him since it!
A major theme in the Real Life crew these days has just been enjoying the love of the Lord! So as we sat there worshiping, I was just praying that God would reveal His love to me and show me his power. One person who was there began to read out a verse:

"Love suffers long [and] is kind; love does not envy; love does not parade itself, is not puffed up; does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil; does not rejoice in iniquity, but rejoices in the truth;bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never fails." 1 Corintians 13: 4-8a

With this verse, God gave me a picture of the power of His word and the Love that comes from it! I saw a picture of a canvas, and on the left side of the canvas was the silhouette of a face blowing ( i googled the image and found something close to what I saw)

Coming out of the mouth was scripture. The scripture looked whimsical as if it were wind being breathed out of the mouth of this person. At first i thought the "person" was God and prayed about that and felt as if it was us, the body, lovers of Jesus. I kept praying about this picture, asking if there was more too it and what it meant. And then I saw a picture of the wind/scripture flowing over the mountains, then the wind encompassed a city and then the wind blew a small dandelion.

I could see this picture so clearly it was almost as if I were on the wind, following the course of the scripture. I continued to pray about it hoping that God would give me an interpretation of what it meant and I feel as if I have a small idea. I felt as if the scripture was represented as wind because it is there without even seeing it. And the wind can be powerful doing lots of damage, or it can just be an enjoyable light breeze. God's love is powerful but also incredibly enjoyable. Also, i felt as if God was saying that His word can touch something as big as a mountain to something as small as a dandelion. I was talking about it to my parents and my dad felt as if the dandelion also represented multiplication.
To me this picture also shows the power of knowing the word. When we know the word, His love just pours through us. The better we know the scripture, the God Breathed truth, the easier it is to be like minded with Christ. The easier it is to have to heart of the Lord. The easier it is to LOVE people the way GOD loves people.